Let's talk about sex ? Together we can stop it.

Posted on October 18th, 2012

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Ellie Hutchinson

Ellie is the Prevention Worker for Scottish Women?s Aid. Her job involves talking to people about domestic abuse and gender inequality, particularly as it relates to young people. She runs the Get Savi bystander programme and co-ordinates the together we can stop it campaign.

We?ve ?just launched a new campaign for young people called ?I get It?. We?re hoping lots of young people will get involved and tell us what a healthy relationships means to them, and why they ?get it?.

Talking about healthy relationships is the flip side to talking about domestic abuse, and is essential from a prevention perspective.?? By highlighting all the fantastically supportive and rewarding ways relationships can work we can begin to create something new. Like any journey, if we don?t know where we want to end up, we won?t get anywhere.

We can say ?don?t control your partner?, ?don?t call them names?, ?don?t coerce them? but what does the opposite look like? What does it feel like? And how would we do this practically?

We?re really excited to start these conversations, with you, our supporters. But we have a problem.

Sex. And more specifically, pleasure.

Many of us are, let?s be honest, pretty rubbish at talking about sex and pleasure. Quite often, we just don?t have the language.

When we don?t talk about sex or pleasure; we?re also not talking about consent, intimacy, or sexual autonomy. Rape myths flourish, children are blamed for the behaviour of men who abuse them, we create shame and taboo around a massive part of human experience, and we create a vacuum of knowledge.

Young people want to talk about this-they?re learning so much new and sometimes scary stuff about relationships, sex, sexuality and their own bodies, they?re actively seeking out this information. If we don?t talk about these issues, misinformation fills in the gaps.? Rape porn, lads mags and celebrity culture fill in the bits that we are too nervous to talk about.? If young people are receiving misinformation, or bad information, they?re not able to make informed choices.

We know there?s a link between unwanted teenage pregnancies, coercion, rape, and the inability to negotiate contraception, and we know a staggering amount of young people experience dating abuse. In a 2009 NUS Survey, 1 in 7 women students had experienced a serious physical or sexual assault during their time as a student and in one American study, 43% of men in college admitted to using coercive behaviour to have sex. Something isn?t working with the way we do things now.

Feedback in schools around sex and relationships education shows that young people want to learn about relationships. For many of them, creep shots are normalised, young women are terrorised online, and whilst a lot of it doesn?t feel?ok, they don?t know that it isn?t.

So, we want to start talking about sex and relationships. What does a relationship mean? Do the same rules apply to a one night stand? A fling? A long term relationship? How about to friendship? ?And what about the rules for boys and girls around sex and relationships? Are they the same?

Starting these conversations, and facilitating this dialogue can help us to create new ways of doing relationships, one that?doesn?t?just feel, but one that is respectful, compassionate, empathetic and fun.

If you?re interested in finding out more about healthy relationships- as a parent, practitioner or young person, check out the campaign blog here, submit your picture, join the conversation and let?s talk about sex.

Source: http://togetherwecanstopit.org/news/lets-talk-about-sex/

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